Monday, September 27, 2010

The Rejectionist's Public Humiliation Uncontest

The Rejectionist is hosting an uncontest, and I decided to jump in at the last minute. You can read about the uncontest here. The uncontest results can be found here.

I have only one diary from my childhood, and it's from fourth grade. Allow me to share a few things about nine-year-old me:

1. I lived in L.A. County with my parents and two older brothers, Jeff and Erik.

2. I knew when I grew up I would become a writer. Or a teacher, a nurse, a veterinarian, or a dolphin trainer.

3. I believed I was a fabulous speller.

4. I knew about commas. How to use them? Not so much.

5. I apparently found my waking times and breakfast foods fascinating subjects.

The year: 1978. (There's a stereotype that writers are bad at math. For those of you who fit the stereotype but would like to know my age, I'm twenty-four.)

Sunday, January 1, 1978

Today I woke up at 7:06, and couldn't wait to see if Megan [redacted] could play. Every once in a while I get afraid of the Hillside Strangler, because he only gets girls and ladies. Today if Jeff looks thrue this Diary, I'm gonna tell. Today for breakfast I had poptarts and milk. Today I planted my peanut plant with Erik. Today Megan slept over but came in the night. And we made alot of noise.

Monday, January 2, 1978

Today at 1:00 in the morning me and Megan went to get my lotien*. Megan ran down the stairs fell did a summer salt fliped once and hit something very hard and I jumped and fell on my head. I triped and ran down stairs. I spyed on everyone in my family except for my mom, dad. Today I woke up at 8:30. Today for breakfast I had frootloops and Team Flakes.

Wednesday, January 4, 1978

Today was raining and I had toast for breakfast. I woke up at 7:17. My teacher is going to move so we are giving her a surprise party. I played with Megan today and we had fun. Also I have alot of homework. Jeff thrue up in the cheerio bowl today**.

Tuesday, January 10, 1978

Today I went to school and started a report on squirrels. it is 3 pages long Megan is doing it on skunks. She came over today.

Thursday, January 12, 1978

Today I went to school and I had a terrible time. I was all mixed up all day. I had went*** out with my mom and had a great, great day.

INTERMISSION. Allow me to remind any literary agents or editors who may stumble upon this post that these excerpts are from the diary I kept when I was only nine.

Sunday, January 15, 1978

Today I didn't play with anyone, or anything exept Blackjack, Midnight****, and my skates.

Tuesday, January 17, 1978

Today I went to school and Megan came ofer and we had fun and I called Mrs. [redacted] to sign up for ballette, tap, and acrobatics.

Friday, January 20, 1978

Today I went to school, and had P.E., got pushed in mud by Megan by mustake. I didn't have anyone to play with. I went to the store with Mom, and Erik.

Saturday, January 21, 1978

NO SCHOOL DAY! today I went to the phone called Megan and she couldn't play.

Sunday, January 22, 1978

NO SCHOOL DAY! today Megan couldnt play and I forget what I did today.

Tuesday, January 24, 1978

Today I went to school, came home with Megan and went to balette. And then I came home with Megan and went to Jeff's basketball game, and Jeff didn't feel good.

Friday, February 10, 1978

Today I went to school and picked out a new book called SKINNY. I like it alot. Today, Allen, Jamie and Pat***** are sleeping over.

Friday, February 11, 1978

Today was the day Erik celebrates his birthday. I'll be surrounded by boys. Allen, Jamie and Pat will be there still.

*I think it's supposed to be lotion.

**Jeff and I still remember/are traumatized by this.
***The "had went" might be the most painful part to read, but I'm not sure.

****Blackjack and Midnight were my dogs.
*****Erik's friends.


Jemi Fraser said...

These are fantastic! I wish I'd kept some of mine - they would be fun to look back at.

Amie B said...

oh my - i suppose i'm glad i don't have any of my journals to look at. though, i imagine they'd read something like this:

January 1, 1990(cause yeah, i was 10 then -which only makes me 20 now, right? {and lying wins no extra points}): Today I thought Michael was cute.

January 2, 1990: Today I hated my teacher. I still thought Michael was cute.

January 3,1990: Today I don't think Michael is cute anymore. He picks his nose. GROSS!

anyway, thanks for sharing!

storyqueen said...

I am laughing at the three page report on squirrels.

These are perfect, Dawn. I would have read more.


J. A. Platt said...

That was adorable. I'm impressed you got to three pages on those squirrels.*

*My brother and I have a similarly traumatic story, but I won't share because I just had cheerios.

Susan R. Mills said...

This is great! Cracked me up.

maine character said...

Great stuff! Reminds me of how much of childhood is composed of hitting one's head, throwing up, and being pushed in the mud. It's a wonder we made it through.

Margaret Nevinski said...

Dawn, these are great (a report on squirrels??). Wish I had my kid journals, but my mom threw them out when I was in my 20s. She said I wrote bad things about our family. Oh well. We all need some pain in our childhoods, right?

Dawn Simon said...

Thanks for the comments. You guys are fun!

Deb@RGRamblings said...

Dawn, this is awesome!!! You win the prize for best laugh of my week!

Anonymous said...

I didn't keep any of my diaries. I should've though. I'm sure they're lol-worthy.

I'm 24, too!

Solvang Sherrie said...

Whoa, I was living in L.A. County at the same time as you! Amazing that we're still both 24 :)

Laura Pauling said...

If I have any diaries from my childhood they are in boxes in my parents' attic. And I shudder to think what I wrote about - boys and my friends, I"m sure.

Tara said...

I could kick my self for tossing my journals! I'm kind of curious why you needed to moisturize at 1 AM. But, I love your idea of math - I'm 21. Woot.

kate.o.d said...

oh lordy. it's almost 2am here in australia and i am trying to stuff my mouth with a blanket, my hand, a i don't wake up my housemates with hysterical laughter. this was brilliant.

Hema P. said...

How adorable, Dawn!! You knew even back then that peppering a story with little details of everyday life gives it character :). Enjoyed this little peek into your childhood a lot. Hope you and Megan are still in touch, since she figures in these entries so much!

P.S: You were a diplomatic child -- you wrote that you'd be surrounded by boys, but where's the entry about how it felt to be in that situation?? ;-)

Anonymous said...

Cool Journal, Dawn!! I wish I had kept a journal when I was little.

Laura Pauling said...

Very 9 year oldish! Good thing we don't write for that age group as they write for themselves!!!!

Suma Subramaniam said...

This is so sweet Dawn. Reminds me of mine. I wrote quite regularly in it. I wish I can keep a journal now and write everyday's events, but then:-)

Belle said...

Love these!! It's so wonderful that you have one of your old diaries. You certainly wrote a lot more in your diary than I did at that age (and still do, haha! I keep telling myself to live a little and maybe that might change!).

Robert Guthrie said...

What a fantastic window!

Anonymous said...

Even back then squirrels were a big part of your life! haha How wonderful to keep something like this. awww we're the same age :o)